


We used to be best friends!

by Michaelistrashh



Category: Half Life VR But The AI Is Self Aware
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Autistic Benrey (Half-Life), M/M, Panic Attacks, Will update tags in the future, background sodashipping and boomer, benrey he/they moments, benrey shapeshift moments, fake memories, frenrey roomates for like a split second, i don't think i have to say their all gay and trans lmao, idk what to tag lmao, queerplatonic tomrey :], stimming !!!!!, the timelines theyre crossing!, this is my first work only hlvrai makes ill enough to write a fanfiction, tommy gordon benrey and coomer are BLACK cus i SAID SO, tommy she/he pronouns :), uuuuhhh, whip and nae naes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-25
Updated: 2021-03-08
Packaged: 2021-03-15 16:07:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,699
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29686485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Michaelistrashh/pseuds/Michaelistrashh
Summary: Benrey truly does remember Gordon as his best friend but apparently that never happened. Maybe there is a little hope in that though.
Relationships: Benrey & Tommy Coolatta, Benrey & Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Benrey/Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta & Gordon Freeman, Tommy Coolatta/Darnold
Comments: 7
Kudos: 45





	1. Chapter one

**Author's Note:**

> CW for panic attack/ meltdown and slight benrey body horror

It's 3am as a knocking comes from the door. You wouldn't think anyone would answer at this time of night but there is the low hum of battle music and fighting sound effects coming from the TV as a very tired Gordon sits at his couch mindlessly pressing buttons. The knock catches him off guard and wakes him up from his trance, as he wobbles over to his door to check what could be out there at 3:14 in the morning. Gordon's eyes widen, fully awake now as he almost jumps back as he sees the short, stout, dark man outside his door, only this time he had on a hoodie and his helmet was replaced with a chulo. Gordon's mind races with thoughts like "why is here?", "How is he still alive?", And "is he here to kill me?" His thoughts are interrupted by the monotone deep voice coming from the other side of the door. 

"I know you're awake, Feetman, I can hear your fucking Skyrim battle music from out here. Lemme in I'm not gonna hurt you I swear."

Gordon hesitates as he grabs the handle to the door and cracks it open and sees Benrey standing there. Gordon glares at the short stubby man as he looks around confused. 

"yo dude why are staring at me like that? It's cold out here let me in bro." 

"What the fuck do you mean let you in? How the fuck are you even here? How do I know you're not here to fucking kill me?" Gordon scowls at Benrey leaving a more conflicted look on Benrey's face.

"Bro, calm down. It's just me man. Why would I hurt you, I just want to crash at your place for the night. I tried to find Tommy's place but I couldn't find his IP on Wikipedia." He just waves his hand like it's not a big deal.

Gordon's face just folds into an even more confused and angry look. "What you MEAN it's just you? Dude a few months ago you WERE A FUCKING ALIEN GOD! AND WHY IS MY IP ON FUCKING WIKIPEDIA! WE DESTROYED THE SERVERS!!!"

Benrey looks around and puts a finger up to his mouth. "Bro its 3am calm down man. I can't even do all that shit anymore. You nerfed me and all I can do is uh." He grows taller, almost a foot taller than Gordon's 6'1 stature, and he grits his teeth as it sharpens into a row of razor sharp teeth. He transforms back to his previous form and steps closer to Gordon. "And I think this will help you" and Benrey's sweet voice leaves his lips and encases Gordon's head as Gordon's face unfolds and he stares at Benrey blankly. 

"Lmao that still works. What you staring at Gordon Feetman? Am I enchanting?" Benrey smirks, grinning with his shark teeth.

Gordon's face flusters and goes red as he looks away and opens his door up "Whatever man! I guess you're harmless you can come in. But don't think I won't kick you out if you act up! You're powerless now alright?"

"Alright man whatever. Don't be so dramatic."

"I- you know what? Whatever, I don't care anymore. You can sleep on the floor for all I care. I'm gonna go back to my fucking Skyrim. Just don't fuck with my shit." Gordon walks off and schlumps back on his couch and grabs his controller. Benrey just stands still and starts walking around mindlessly and looking at things and then sits down next to Freeman on his couch.

"Man this is just like the old days, don't you remember?" Benrey smiles at Gordon.

Gordon looks at Benrey confused as he pauses his game and puts down his controller.

"Okay, Benrey, what the FUCK are you talking about? You keep making references to the good old days and how we were friends and that is just not true. Are you fucking with me or are you being serious cus I've never met you before black Mesa!?"

"What?"

"Don't 'what' me Benrey. Answer my fucking question for once." Gordon leans forward squinting at the tiny man waiting for an answer.

"Dude do you seriously not remember? You found me In the forest behind your house. I was getting used to living and you helped me behave like a human-"

"What? Dude that never happened! That sounds absurd! Benrey stop fucking with me already!"

"Bro, I'm not- I'm being serious right now! You found me by the lake behind your house-"

"Wait, how did you know I have a lake behind my house?" Gordon looks Benrey up and down to see if there is any bit of malice in him but he seems sincere as far as he can tell.

"oh bro I know! Do you have a photo album? I know your cringe you probably have one for memories or some shit."

Gordon's face goes red "Wh-? Yeah, no, maybe. My mom.... Gave me a copy of hers..."

"Ha! Knew it! Lil cringe nae nae man! Give it to me! I remember being in there!" He paws at Gordon as he begs for the album.

Gordon gets up off the couch and goes to his room "fuckin... Fine. Calm down let me get it." 

Gordon walks back to the couch with a chunky album and sits back down next to Benrey. Benrey snatches the album and starts flipping through the pages. 

"Jesus christ! Be careful don't rip the pages!" Gordon leans over Benrey to make sure he's not doing anything destructive.

"Shut up Feetman, I won't ruin your gay picture book." Benrey finally flips to a page and stops at a page where Gordon is smiling at the camera near a lake with a frog in his hand. Benrey looks confused and his voice comes out like it's coming out of a shitty mic. "What? Why aren't I here? I don-" he closes the album and his voice goes back to normal "nah it's fine. Probably just lost them with your little fucking butter fingers." 

Benrey gets up, anxious, and he paces around the room for a bit. "There has to be something to make you remember." And he spins around to look at Gordon and holds out his hand. "Oh shit! You gotta remember the handshake!"

Gordon looks at Benrey's hand confused as he stands up too and just does the default bro shake: slap the palm, backhand, and hold in the middle. Gordon looks at Benrey with a nervous grin looking for approval as Benrey's eye twitches and his teeth sharpen as his voice blasts, again sounding like it's coming out of a microphone. "THAT'S NOT IT" Gordon looks frightened by the noise and Benrey pipes down as he starts to pace again and his voice goes back to normal. "Nonono, it's fine. You were like 8 anyway. Probably didn't remember anything, you were cringe." He stops again and turns back to Gordon. "THE SCAR!"

"The scar?"

"Yeah bro! I pushed you into the lake and you little clumsy boy fell weird and got a scar on your side! Lift up your shirt, it's gotta be there!" Benrey reaches for Gordon's shirt but before he could lift anything, Gordon turns red and slaps his hand away.

"Wh- dude! Chill!" Gordon pulls down his shirt so Benrey can't see any skin at all.

"What? You shy? Don't want me to see you naked yet? I get it, showing yourself in front of such a handsome man like me. Whatever shy boy, I remember I also got a scar tryna save you anyway, it should be right he-" but when Benrey lifts up his shirt to check himself he sees nothing. There is no marking or scar left on his skin, just his tummy. The tv behind him flickers, and his voice gets more static-y and choppy as he speaks "what...? How...? I remember-'' Benrey grabs his head and his eyes start welling up with tears as he crouches down to the floor. "AAAAUGH" 

Gordon jumps and tries to go and comfort Benrey, putting a hand on his shoulder and tries to look Benrey in the eye. It's almost instinct for Gordon to try and help where he can. "Benrey what's happening? Are you okay?"

Benrey is still holding his head grunting as he opens his eyes and gasps. "The timelines. They were merging before you stopped me. You were...never my friend were you. I got the timeline mixed up in my head."

Gordon looks at Benrey with a solemn look on his face. "Sorry, bud. I'm afraid I wasn't."

Benrey let's out a pained laugh "fuck, that's a real fail moment on my part. Sorry man."

"Benrey, you okay? I don't think I've ever seen you cry other than the time you were dying." 

He mutters under his breath but it's too quiet for Gordon to hear.

Gordon raises a brow "what did you say?"

"Nothing, gay boy. Where's the part of the floor I'm sleeping on?" Benrey tries to get up and Gordon pulls him back down.

"Wait you didn't answer my question! Are you good?" Gordon looks dead into Benrey's eyes, which are wet and crying.

"I'm... Fine." Benrey says but his face is very clearly sad with tears streaming down his face.

Gordon sighs as he pulls Benrey into a hug. Benrey is stunned by this, but he seems to calm down as his hair comes down from standing on end and his slitted pupils dilate as he closes his eyes and gives into Gordon's embrace. His arms wrap around Gordon as he mutters something again. "So you gonna say no homo or what?"

Gordon laughs as he pinches Benrey's side. "Shhut up dude I'm trying to have a moment with you." 

Gordon and Benrey embrace for what seems like hours but it's only a matter of minutes before Benrey pulls away and Gordon helps him make a bed for him on the couch and Gordon returns to his room. 

And it all happened with Skyrim music playing in the background. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gordon reflects on what the hell just happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> cw for anxiety. not really a panic attack but just some pacing and overthinking

Gordon and Benrey let go of each other after a while and Gordon gives Benrey a place to sleep on the couch, telling him they'll figure out his situation in the morning, before walking off into the dark hallway and disappearing into his room. 

Closing the door behind him, Gordon sighed and slid down to the floor and pressed his back up against the door. The monster he thought he killed was in his living room like nothing happened. Like he didn't just try to kill them a few months back. Gordon had just got back into the swing of things, he got a job, he saw his son Joshua again, and he was finally coming back down and feeling like a person again. Hell, he even started getting therapy! So why all of a sudden was  _ Benrey _ at his door. Gordon started to ring his hands nervously, his breath shaky as his thoughts started to race.

Benrey didn't seem to be any of a threat right now but so did he at the beginning of his trek into Black Mesa. He started off only as a nuisance pestering him for a false confirmation of identification. The only unusual thing about him then was his surprisingly beautiful voice and the shadow covering his eyes. But slowly, he started becoming something more monstrous, with fraternizing with the enemy, getting his arm cut off, and eventually when nearing the end of their journey, showing his true form and bringing them through the most traumatizing experience of their lives. They barely escaped under the weight of Benrey's thumb. Barely.

Gordon stops ringing his hands as he clasps his hands together, tight. He didn't realize he was holding his breath before he made himself exhale as he got up from the floor and paced back and forth counting his steps before his heart rate returned to normal. He sighed as he pulled the hair tie out of his hair and face planted into his mattress, shifting to get under the covers and placing his glasses on his desk.

Gordon tried to reassure himself about the situation he was in as he tried to drift off to sleep. If he was a threat then why did he let Gordon hug him like that? Benrey would have at least pulled something on him to make him look like a fool as he did that, this was the same man who thought it'd be a funny trick to glue his ass to a seat in a car that was about to explode. But the most he did was call him gay, like a middle school boy. But Benrey wasn't exactly against stealing affection from Gordon so maybe he just let the moment happen to attack later. He would always try to aggravate Gordon, asking if he wanted to kiss or wanted a hug. Gordon's face went red as he remembered the time Benrey tried to kiss him on the cheek as they stood in the powerade plant. What kind of jerk does that?

Aside from that, what about the breakdown he had in his living room? Gordon has never seen Benrey that upset over anything, aside from the time they killed him. Why would Benrey lie about something like that and have a reaction like? It couldn't possibly be some sort of setup for a prank. Benrey wasn't THAT manipulative, was he? Gordon also doubted he could even be smart enough to pull together some mastermind plan like that just to kill one man. Maybe he actually wanted to be friends this time. No, he can't get his hopes up like this. Just fall asleep and worry about it in the morning. Gordon closes his eyes and manages to drift off to sleep. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lmao sorry this one is short. next chapter is gonna be good though dw.  
> 


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> pancake time baby !

Gordon wakes up to the sound of his alarm going off. It's not a loud alarm because god knows how much that would set off some fight or flight response in him. Gordon is a little bit of a heavy sleeper but the vibration of it against his face from falling asleep on top of it is enough to wake him up. Gordon gets up and drags himself into the bathroom, getting ready for the day until he finally walks out to the living room where he finds sleeping Benrey laying on his couch. Gordon won't lie that it still kind of startled him to see him there before he quickly reminded himself of the events that took place last night. 

Guess Benrey is his roommate now huh? Gordon walks up to Benrey on the couch and looks down at him. His hat is all the way off and his hair is out of his face but the shadow over his eyes seemed to persist. Gordon guesses he should probably offer breakfast to him if he's gonna live here. Like, it's not like Gordon LIKES him or anything or wants to give Benrey any hints that he may WANT to keep him here, it's just basic human decency to offer food to someone. 

Gordon lifts his knee and nudges Benrey's head to wake him up. Benrey groans and rolls over and swats at Gordon's leg. Gordon brushes it off and continues to nudge Benrey until he opens his eyes to glare at Gordon. "What the fuck bro?" Benrey mumbles as he looks up at Gordon with sleepy eyes.

"I'm gonna make pancakes, do you want anything else?" Gordon asks.

Benrey looks surprised. He didn't expect Gordon to even pay him any mind as he stayed over so him offering food wasn't something he thought would happen. "Uh, I would like a pancake. Please and thank you."

Gordon thins his mouth into a half smile and gives Benrey a thumbs up before heading into the kitchen. Benrey perks up looking at him from the couch. He watches Gordon's back as he takes out bags and jars out of his pantry, his hair out in a loose ponytail and wearing a t-shirt and sweatpants. Benrey is just now getting a good look at Gordon since black Mesa. He was so used to seeing him in that bulky HEV suit he almost forgot that underneath he actually just looked very soft. Benrey put his chulo back on and walked into the kitchen and it took everything in him to not hug Gordon from behind. Instead he just stood next to him and inspected the boxes and bags Gordon had put out.

"Bro those don't look like pancakes. You tryna poison me? Poison me bro?" Benrey accused Gordon.

Gordon made a confused face at Benrey. "What? These are ingredients for pancakes. Of course they don't look like pancakes. I haven't made them yet. Why would I even poison you with this? I'm eating these, too." Gordon started pouring ingredients into a bowl.

"I know your tricks. Lemme taste test them, make sure you aren't putting uh, rat poison in them." Benrey crosses his arms and holds out his hand as if he's asking Gordon to put the loose ingredients in it.

Gordon just looks down at his hand and looks back up at Benrey, who had their eyes closed and confident look on his face. Gordon smirked and scooped a spoonful of flour into Benrey's hand "You want to taste flour? Sure, go ahead."

"Thank yoouuuu~" benrey chimed before shoving the whole pile of flour into his mouth, immediately opening his eyes and scrunching up his face in utter disgust. He stuck out his tongue, that was completely white, and tried to speak. "Bats pobally poiboned..." Gordon bursts into laughter and holds himself up on the edge of the counter. "Bwo bon't waugh ap me I'm gonna bie... Bis is so thucked up bis was your plan all along..."

Gordon composes himself and stands back up, wiping a tear from his eye. "Dude you're fine! Flour isn't poisonous, it just doesn't taste good by itself. Go rinse your mouth in the sink you big baby" 

Benrey goes over and puts his whole head under the faucet, turning on water and almost waterboarding himself as he tries to get all the flour out of his mouth. He walks back over to Gordon and Gordon already has some other white powder he's ready to put into Benrey's hand.

"Come here, you'll like this one way better." Benrey holds out his hand and Gordon puts the powder into his hand. Benrey cautiously licks his hand, pupils dilating as soon as his tongue touches it. 

"Bro can I have more of that? What is that? I like that." Benrey reaches over Gordon's arm to stick his hand into the opened bag he assumed he got the powder from but Gordon quickly hits his hand away.

"Dude don't fucking stick your fingers in my shit! Probably dirty and I don't want you infecting my food!" Gordon sighs as Benrey pulls back his hand and then sticks it out again asking for more. "It's sugar, I'm not letting you overdose on my fucking sugar."

"Mean to me..." Benrey crosses his arms again. He looks over at the stuff on the table again and squints "this stills looks nothing like pancakes. This is just powder."

"I- wait. Do you know how pancakes are made?" Gordon squints at Benrey.

"Mmm well you buy 'em at the store and put 'em in the oven. Like all food. 'Cept for ice cream though, that comes cold." Benrey stated, sounding completely confident in his answer.

Gordon squints at Benrey more until it clicks in his brain and his face lights up as he leans over the counter again to let our another big laugh. "HAAAA! OH MY GOD YOU DON'T KNOW HOW FOOD WORKS!"

Benrey fiddles with the string on his chulo and pulls it over his face, clearly embarrassed. "Whuh? No. I totally know how food works. I'm a food expert. I got all the food knowledge."

"Oh yeah? Where do you think pancakes come from?"

"The store, obviously bro."

"Benrey, where did pancakes come from BEFORE the store?"

"Obviously... They came from... Pancake trees..."

Gordon bursts out laughing again and croaks out in a wheeze "PANCAKE TREES!" Benrey's face darkened red and he scrunched up his face at Gordon. He usually liked when he got Gordon laughing but he really didn't know where pancakes came from and now he felt bad.

"Whatever... Gordon.. meanman..." Benrey was about to walk off back into the living room before Gordon grabbed his hand and tugged on his arm. 

"Wait! Dude I'm sorry! Lemme show you how to make pancakes." Benrey looked back at Gordon and grumbled. He couldn't resist Gordon's stupid dumb smile and stupid pretty face, so he walked back over the counter where Gordon was working and went back to his crossed arm stance, looking at what Gordon was doing. Gordon started to demonstrate how to mix the batter and even let Benrey help mix a little. Gordon was actually really patient with Benrey, even if Benrey accidentally made a little bit of a mess. Gordon usually lost his temper at Benrey really quickly but he was nice to him this time. Maybe they could actually get along when they're lives weren't at stake. No gunfire, no aliens (except for Benrey), no explosions, just two guys giggling over pancakes.

"Do you want any toppings?" Gordon asks heading towards the fridge.

"Here is the part where you're gonna poison me. I knew this was gonna happen." Benrey dramatizes.

It only earns a soft chuckle from Gordon and he takes out a bag of chocolate chips, a carton of strawberries, and maple syrup. "Shut up dude I'm not poisoning you." Gordon puts a couple chocolate chips in his hands and sticks it out towards Benrey. "Do you need to try these out too or do you know what these taste like?"

Instead of answering, Benrey just goes "oh pog" and eats the chocolate chips directly out of Gordon's hand. Gordon's face goes bright red as he pulls his hand back and wipes it on pants. 

"DUDE WHAT THE FUCK?!?" Gordon yells, holding his hand to his chest.

Benrey just grins "I would like that topping please and thank you!"

Gordon just sighs and slides his hand down his face with the own Benrey didn't eat out of. Which was probably a bad idea cus he was just met with cold hard metal. He has to get used to that. "Agh, whatever. Do you wanna try the other toppings or are you good?"

Benrey walks over and pops a whole strawberry in his mouth, leaves and all. He hums to himself letting out a few yellow sweet voice before taking the bottle of maple syrup and pouring some into his mouth. He looks off with his mouth still open, before running over to the sink and almost waterboarding himself again. Gordon laughs at him again.

"You don't like maple syrup?" Gordon asks light heartedly.

"That's a bad mouth feel..." Benrey grumbles. 

Gordon hums while serving pancakes onto both of their plates "understandable. How many pancakes do you want?" 

"8"

"Benrey that's all of them."

"I'm a growing boy, I need my sustenance." 

"I- I'm pretty sure you're my age. You are not a growing boy."

"Baby boy at the ripe age of 26 that's me!"

"You're getting 1 pancake."

"No! Bro! Gordon meanman!"

Gordon sighs giving Benrey 3 pancakes and adds his toppings, shoving the plate in his hands. "You're such a brat."

Benrey just smiles at Gordon innocently. "Thank you, sir." Gordon just rolls his eyes as he sits down at the table. 

Breakfast goes on pretty quietly, except for the loud and sloppy sounds of Benrey scarfing down his pancakes that made Gordon snicker. Gordon is still cycling through what took place last night and had questions coming and leaving, spiraling in his mind. Is it too early to bring it up? But it's also good to just get these things out in the open before they cause much trouble. But how will Benrey feel about that? Well it's better to just ask and find out, isn't it.

"So uh... Are you feeling better than last night?" Gordon asks carefully, twirling his fork on his plate.

Benrey looks up at Gordon and shifts in his seat. He pulls the strings of his chulo, covering his face more. " 's.... 's fine. I'm fine. Just a lil hiccup. 'M good..."

Gordon squints at Benrey, looking at him nervously fiddling his chulo strings. Benrey's face doesn't move more than usual but it's obvious to Gordon he still looks upset. "We can talk about it, you know. If you're gonna stay here for a while then might as well help you with this. Man, as much as I like seeing your downfall this is just sad."

Benrey looks up and glares at Gordon. "Yeah and you're probably gonna make this SO much easier for me."

Gordon's cheeks darken a bit from embarrassment and then clears his throat and starts speaking again. "Rmm. Okay maybe that was a little mean. I shouldn't have said that. BUT! Like, I'm serious Benrey. I'm here to talk if you need it. I don't really know if I'll know what to say though... Cus like... You got all that- all that alien time junk stuck to it but... Yeah..."

Benrey just looks at Gordon for a second, narrowing his eyes. Gordon looks at them nervously, uncertain on what their expressions meant. Benrey gets up from his chair, which made Gordon jolt back a bit. 

Oh oops. Why did he do that? Well, he knows why he did that but-

“Ha, knew it…” Benrey says to himself

“What?” 

  
“You’re still scared of me. And now I know you don’t even know me. This makes this so much worse haha, sorry dude.” Benrey puts a hand up to face and inserts his fingers in his hair. “I’ll just leave now i guess. Thanks for panned cake, bro.” Benrey starts walking out of the kitchen.

“Wait, you're just leaving like that? I thought you didn’t have any other place to stay.” Gordon gets up and follows after Benrey.

“ ‘s fine man. I was just saying that so you’d let me in. I can go stay at Tommy’s place. It’s fine, this was just a hiccup.” Benrey puts his hand up, making sure there is distance between him and Gordon.

“Oh… well okay.” Gordon stops walking and folds his arms in, picking at the hair on his arm, popping his lips.

Benrey looks at Gordon and puts on a smirk “What you look so disappointed for? Thought you hated me.”

  
Gordon’s face immediately lights up again, red rushing to his cheeks. “What!? I’m not- I do- I- Don’t get me wrong! I do not like you! Not at all! I just- I” He runs a hands through his hair as he takes a deep breath. “I… don’t know what I was hoping for.”

Benrey’s smile drops as he sighs. He starts walking towards the door till Gordon speaks up again.

“Hey… you said you remember us being friends. You think that's possible?” Gordon looks down, continuing to pick at his arm hair and pop his lips.

“Think what’s possible?” Benrey asks looking back at Gordon.

“You know… like… being friends again. Well not again but- like- you know what i mean”

“What?”

“BENREY!”

“Haha yeah no I heard you.” Benrey twirls the chulo string around his finger and looks off. “I mean… I would love to know the answer to that question to bro. Can’t tell the goddamned future. ‘S all up to you bro.”

Gordon looks around, popping his lips a lil faster. His thoughts circle in his head but he doesn’t dare say any of them, or come to terms with any of them. There is no way he is actually excited to see Benrey again. He hated him. He always has. Right? 

When Gordon doesn’t respond Benrey takes that as his queue to finally leave. “Bye, Gordon.” He says as he leaves but Gordon doesn’t respond. He just stands there. Why did this feel wrong?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol. they were roommates for like 2 seconds sorry to disappoint dksfjksjfsf

**Author's Note:**

> Lmao anyways  
> You can find me at michael-istrash on tumblr :)


End file.
